Differences in Memory
by Night's Darkness
Summary: After the events on the Bifrost and the funeral, Thor seeks solace in the memories hidden in Loki's bedchamber, only to find someone else is already seeking the same thing.


Title: The Difference in Memory

Fandom: Thor/The Avengers Movies

Rating: PG

Prompt: "22. Remember Me" with Loki or Thor from 500 prompts for hearts_blood

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I gaining any money for this work. I'm just trying to enjoy myself.

Summary: After the events on the Bifrost and the funeral, Thor seeks solace in the memories hidden in Loki's bedchamber, only to find someone else is already seeking the same thing.

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**The Difference in Memory**

Loki's funeral was well attended, but no one pretended that it was out of love for the younger Prince. Loki had never been popular with the Aesir, too cunning and silver tongued for them. It was nice though, to see how many Vanir had turned up. The cousins to the Aesir had been fond of Loki, sharing his love of knowledge and magic, which was as integral a part of their culture as swords and songs were to the Aesir. The Vanir mourners numbered at about fifty, headed by the heir to the throne, Princess Sigyn. Her cream-coloured hair was covered by a dark green veil, making her honey-coloured skin glow faintly as she stood, tall and composed right at the front of the crowd. As she watched Odin speak about Loki, there was genuine sadness in her eyes, which came as no surprise to Thor. She had been friends with him and Loki as children, playing games whenever their parents brought them together. When they were older, Thor had half-heartedly courted her, first because his parents had told him to, and then when he was a bit older… well he had eyes. Sigyn had indulged him, and enjoyed his attentions, but there was no real interest on either side and these days Thor was content to call her friend.

Sigyn's eyes dropped and she worried something made of brown cloth in her hands, as Odin lamented Loki's breakdown under the pressure of kingship. That was how they were spinning it. Loki, unprepared for the throne, stressed from Thor's banishment and Odin's sleep, with the threat of war on his neck, had cracked. It was not a mile from the truth, but it did suggest Loki was weak Thor did not like that. Loki had been mad, but never weak.

Finally, the charade was over and people began to disperse. Thor had to stand and accept many condolences from dignitaries and nobles, and he did not believe any of them. Sigyn was one of the last, stepping up to him and regarding him with her amber eyes as she took his hand and said in a soft voice,

"Thor… Asguard has lost a great gift."

Thor nodded, squeezing her fingers, feeling the faint callouses of her fingers catching on his deep ones. "Yes, and I have lost a great brother."

Sigyn's eyes were shuttered, as if she was studying him for some sort of sign, waiting for him to say something. Thor lifted her hands up, holding them in his two, resting on his breastplate.

"He was very fond of you Sigyn. I know you and he enjoyed discussing magic whenever you came to visit me."

Sigyn's eyes flashed and she gave a tight smile, carefully taking her hands from Thor's and bowing her head.

"Thank you Thor. I will leave you to your family."

Thor watched her walk to Frigga and then Odin, bowing to them and then walking down the steps. As she passed Sif, the two women locked eyes and Thor thought he saw a spark crack between them. They had never gotten along. They inclined their heads to each other without breaking eye contact and then looked away, Sif striding towards Thor, Sigyn striding out of the hall with her entourage.

It was hours before Thor could slip away and go to his bedchambers. But even after the long days past he could not sleep. He tossed and turned, but eventually threw his covers away and got to his feet, pulling on his robe, and walking out into the corridors. It was no surprise to him that his feet took him to Loki's chambers. It was where his brother had left so much of himself behind. Sighing quietly, Thor entered the room.

The smell hit him first. Herbs and paper, a warm, distinct scent that had clung to Loki's skin and hair. Thor was not prepared for the way his stomach clenched painfully at the smell, and his eyes stung. He clenched his fists and inhaled deeply to refrain from breaking down. When the pain eased he went deeper into the room, and realised someone else was in the room. Deep, slow breathing suggested they were asleep on the bed. For one split second, Thor thought it was Loki, but no, that was impossible. The disappointment gave way to anger, and he barked,

"Who dares enter this chamber without permission?"

He touched the nearby orb on the wall to fill the room with light as the person, a woman, sat up with a gasp of surprise. In half a second Thor registered that the women was naked, and in the full second, he realised it was Princess Sigyn. He stared for a further second, and then looked away at the wall.

"Sigyn! What –I didn't –what are you doing in my brother's bed?"

Sigyn did not answer at once as she drew the bed sheet around her and Thor felt her studying him again. Finally, she said,

"Is it not the right of a wife to lie in her husband's bed?"

Thor's head snapped back, and he stared at her, wondering if Loki's madness was contagious. But Sigyn looked as she always did, calm and controlled, wrapped in the dark bedsheet, with red rimmed eyes and tear streaks on her cheeks from hours of crying. One hand was resting on the lip of a large wooden box, which she must have been going through earlier. Thor had never seen the box before in his life. Finally, he found his voice.

"What?"

Sigyn sighed and reached out, pulling a tunic –one of Loki's –to her and dragging it over her head, before getting out of the bed. Thor watched her move, baffled,

"Loki and you were not married."

"We might as well have been!" Sigyn snapped, "We took oaths, we shared a bed, we made plans… so many plans." She sank into the chair by the fireplace, tears in her eyes. "All those years, all those plans, those dreams, hopes and desires. For nothing."

"Sigyn, I fear you have taken leave of your senses." Thor was in no mood for more madness, but he was still fond of Sigyn and did not wish to see her so sad.

Sigyn lifted her head, eyes flashing in the soft light.

"I have taken leave of nothing!" she snapped, rising to her feet. "You have just never been privy to the truth. Loki and I are lovers –were lovers." Her usage of the past tense seemed to deflate her and she sank down into the chair again. Her cream coloured hair was falling from the intricate braid work it had been in, and she pushed some of it behind her ear. "Loki and I… we were together for centuries, as a couple, as lovers. And we were friends before we even met."

"Sigyn…" Thor shook his head, this was just nonsense. "If what you say is true, then I would know, my mother and father would know, Heimdall would know."

"Look in the box." Sigyn said quietly. Thor looked at the box. It was a fine piece of work, with Vanir style designs engraved into the sides. "Loki kept all my letters, like I kept his. We started writing when we were children, our teachers encouraged us to communicate because we both had an aptitude for magic. By the time I met you, Loki and I had been writing to each other for three years. Go on. Look."

Thor did not wish to, but he did look, reaching in and brushing his fingertips over the letters inside. There must have been at least a thousand of them. Bundles were tied together and Thor ran his thumb over one tag, recognising the numerals for a year. Loki had organised them all according to the year they were written. They were in neat rows and he did not want to disturb them, so instead, he trailed his fingers to the other items inside. Small stones of different colours, dried flowers, a pair of red-lensed, wire-thin Midguardian glasses. There were many different hats, and small toys and devices, and finally, there were what Thor recognised as 'photographs'. He picked one up and stared at the image of Loki, wearing what looked like a uniform of a soldier, smiling and holding Sigyn, who was in an elegant skirt and jacket with hair in slick curls. He barely recognised either of them.

"You have been to Midguard?" he asked, because that was an easier question for him. Sigyn held out her hand and he gave her the photograph. She glanced at it and a bittersweet smile crossed her lips.

"Ah… that was when we went to New York, a city in Midguard, during a war they had that crossed the world. What was their year… 19… 1942! That was it. We went to this Dance Hall and learned to dance the Lindy Hop and Jitterbug."

"I… how did you do that? I would have seen the Bifrost-"

"We had our own paths." Sigyn murmured, "We always had our own ways of getting around."

She turned away as if distracted by a noise, but there was no sound and she simply walked across the room to Loki's wardrobe, opening the door and pulling out a black and green outfit, which was clingy and poufy in different places.

"He wore this in the court of Queen Elizabeth, we had a lot of fun causing trouble for that ghastly woman."

Now that sounded like Loki.

"How… how often did you go to Midguard?" He wondered if Sigyn would show him the way, so he could go back to Jane.

"Often. Maybe half a century would pass before we went back, over seven hundred years. They change so fast down there. Loki and I were fascinated."

Thor swallowed as a lump grew in his throat. "I did not know… about any of this."

"No one did." Sigyn put the clothing away and hugged herself as she walked around him. "We kept it a secret."

"But why?"

"Many reasons… most of which can be thrown aside. Because Odin intended you and I to marry, because Loki feared Asguard would disapprove of him bedding a princess out of his league, because my people were subjugated by yours and it could look like Loki had manipulated his way into my bed. There was always a reason. But I think we preferred it, because we did not want to share it with anyone else. It was ours." She sat on the bed, curling up and resting her head on her knee. The grief was so unbearably familiar to Thor, reflecting his own pain that he had to keep hidden, that he moved to sit with her, drawing her into his arms. Sigyn let out a sob and buried her face in his chest, clinging to him. Thor held back his own tears, he was not ready to let them flow.

"Thor…"

"Sigyn?"

"Is it true? Did he let go?"

Thor squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away.

"Oh…" Sigyn's voice cracked in agony as she began to weep again. Thor held her, unaccustomed to Sigyn being anything but bright and composed. Had Loki seen this side of her? He must have, if they really had been as close the evidence suggested.

"Did he even think of me?" Sigyn asked between sobs. "In his madness, did he even recall me?"

Thor did not know, he was still trying to understand why Loki had done what he did, even in the light of learning Loki was a Jötunn. He rubbed Sigyn's back until she pulled back and looked up at him, flyaway hairs clinging to her damp face.

"Why did this really happen? Loki would not have caved to pressure so easily. He could tolerate all the mocking behind his back, hiding from Heimdall, trying to keep you safe despite your hot-headedness, wishing he could just show you how worthy he was-" She cut herself off and said more slowly, "He could not have been so easily broken, not when he knew I planned to make him my consort, that I wanted him to rule with me."

Thor pushed the sticky bits of hair from her blotchy face and sighed, "I never pretended to know Loki's mind, especially in recent times, but I may have an answer for you."

"Tell me. Please." Sigyn's hand rested on his on his knee, desperation bright in her eyes.

Thor swallowed, "You say you intended to wed."

"We did wed on Midgua –yes. We intended to wed."

"And you would have made him Prince Consort?"

"Of course. He said he did not want the throne-"

Thor remembered Loki yelling that on the Bifrost, shouting that he only ever wanted to be Thor's equal. But he had been… surely he had known that.

Apparently not.

"-but I knew if I gave him no real power, his talents and skills would not only be wasted, he would be bored out of his mind. That would have just been asking for mischief."

Thor managed a faint smile at her logic. Sigyn gave him a weaker smile as she added, "Besides anything less would have been a bruise to the Asguardian ego."

"Just as having any consort lower than an Asguardian Prince would have been unacceptable for you."

"I did not care Loki was a Prince! I would have married him anyway!"

"But your people would have cared." Thor said shortly. The Vanir were less traditional and ridged in their culture, but they still expected certain things, like the heir to the throne marrying the right person of rank. Sigyn pushed his hand from her hair, asking petulantly,

"What is your point?"

Thor sighed, his hand dropping to the side, "While I was banished, and before our father fell into the Odinsleep, Loki learned he was not really my brother by blood, he's not even Aesir. He is Jötunn, Laufey's son."

Sigyn froze and stared at him, her expression fading into unreadable blankness. Thor shrugged, feeling exhausted,

"As I understand it, he learned the truth and father fell asleep in the same moment. He had no time to deal with this knowledge, but, if your story is true… he must have come to believe you and he could never be truly married."

Sigyn shook her head, "No… no, no!"

"I know it is hard to believe but-"

"No! Loki would have known that would not have mattered to me. He could have been ice giant, fire demon or dog and I would not have cared! He cannot possibly have believed-"

"You would not have cared, but what about your people? If the truth had come out, would your people have embraced him as their prince?"

Sigyn did not answer and pulled away completely, wiping her cheeks. Her gaze became distant and Thor wondered if she was using her magic to gaze into the future, or merely thinking. Finally she said in a soft, awed voice,

"Honour binds me to the throne… but that is not as tight as the love that binds me to Loki. If it had been a problem, I would have given up the throne, married Loki… and loved every moment." She drew herself up and pulled at the sleeves of the tunic. "And if I cannot have that… there is no other man I would have. So I suppose when I take the throne, Vanaheim will have a Queen, and no consort."

Thor felt no small amount of admiration for Sigyn as she smoothed her hair back and waved her hand, her clothing melting into the dress she had been wearing earlier. She wiped her face thoroughly and then gave a small twirl of a finger, to make all the items taken out of the box jump back in.

"Would you allow me to leave this box here for the moment. I know the Queen has no intentions of letting this room be touched… but I know people only think of him as a liar and a trickster and a tyrant. But the box… if someone finds it, I would have them see that there was a man… and he was beautiful… you just had to let him in."

Thor looked down at the photograph again, and stared at the unguarded smile on Loki's face, which made him look young, like a boy. Then he recalled how painfully young he had looked hanging on the edge of the Bifrost, desperate for their father's approval. He swallowed and wiped at his chin.

"I wish I known Loki the way you did. We were once inseparable… and I do not know where that went. I fear it was my fault."

Sigyn's face was kind but she did not deny it as she touched the edge of the photograph.

"Keep that. And remember him happy, as I choose to, and not the way he died."

Thor pulled the photograph closer. "Thank you."

Sigyn picked up the tunic which was now in a heap on the floor and held it to her face, inhaling the scent. Thor looked away, to give the illusion of privacy, and said,

"Take that. You were his wife, and I will not deny you the right to mourn as a wife."

He did not look back, but felt Sigyn step closer and kiss his cheek.

"Thank you, brother."

Thor swallowed around a lump in his throat as Sigyn left the room, and looked down at the picture once more. He wanted to remember this Loki, happy, unencumbered by anger and spite. But this Loki was not who he remembered…

And Thor wished he could forget.

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A/N: I wasn't all that happy with my first Loki story, and even though I feel this is an improvement, I'm still not quite happy with it. Thor is still hard to get a read on (although I rewatched the film a few days ago, so it's easier to hear his voice), and so is Loki (who hasn't had a single line in my fics yet.) This is also probably a bit rushed, but there's a lot going on, and not all of it could be used here.

I'm getting to grips with this fandom… but still not there yet.


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